ASK MARRIAGE MECHANICS Victimhood: she is always the victim
Dear Marriage Mechanics,
My girlfriend blames me for everything. She is always the victim and never accepts responsibility for anything.
Our relationship started out good but it has evolved into something very toxic. I am afraid to voice my opinion because I may offend her.
Can this change?
It's indeed very hard to have a voice when it has been taken away through victimhood; one of the ultimate ways of deflection and evasiveness.
Victimhood: makes everyone the problem while taking no responsibility for one's actions.
It's also a great way to hide malfeasance while people look aimlessly at everyone else besides you for answers. Such is the world today. We no longer take responsibility for our actions. It's the government, my family, white people, black people, the economy, my boss, climate...
everyone except me!
Pointing at other people sins is indeed a great way to hide! It's the premise of all gossip: hiding.
The antidote for victimhood is confrontation. People who live in glass houses should stop throwing stones. In a very kind and loving way, show her that she has faults too, and the biggest one is blaming others.
"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)