Shacking Up

Ask Marriage Mechanics

Dear Marriage Mechanics

My boyfriend and I have been living together for about two years.

I don't want to spring the question on him about getting married but I feel I need too.  We just had our second child two months ago, and, I'm getting older.

Any suggestions?

Signed Need to be Married 


Dear Need to be Married,

I hear and feel you.  I believe that women deserve a lot of unconditional love and care.  They should never live in fear and insecurity especially from a man who is designed to cover and protect   Nonetheless, because people are not being taught by Godly parents, they are building  relationships on a worthless foundation.  They believe that pleasure and romantic love can sustain a relationship.  It's a big fat lie.

Relationships are built on trust, not sex.  We need to know if people are loyal and dependable not whether they can wiggle or lay down the law in bed.  Remember, the devil gives us pleasure first, then comes the pain.  With God, it's pain first, we wait,then an abundance of pleasure.  He makes everything beautiful in his time.

Sex before marriage is fornication.  Two things to understand:  1.  Fornication is an acquired curse.  This means you may feel guilty at first but you get used to denying and drowning out your conscience while setting yourself up for God's eventual judgment (the pain). 2.  The person who you are having sex with is not trustworthy i.e. a fornicator is a person you can't trust. 

People "shack-up" together because they are not ready for marriage.  They want some sex, but they are not ready for the commitment or responsibility of marriage because  of  emotional and financial constraints.

You see, the foundation of marriage is trust.  A fornicator selfish needs come before you, your reputation, and most important, God. In other words, he or she is getting pleasure at a discount rate with no strings attached.

Quantity and not quality is the goal.  Sad!  Fearing being alone, most women endure the abuse.  But, eventually the body sags and the beauty fades...leading to the anxiety that your are now experincing.  Listen, when someone truly, truly, loves you, they will put your needs before theirs.  They wouldn't put sex first.

Some fornicators, and very few do, eventually get married.... even these break up when the weight of marriage-two people becoming one-rests upon them.  This is a very delicate situation especially with children involved.  However, doing the right thing always trumps living in sin. 

Confront your boyfriend.  If he wants to get married, then seek a seasoned and experienced counselor to see if marriage is viable for both of you.  However, living in a bad situation because of financial and emotional constraints may provide a temporary reprive, but it always leads to regret and disaster...the pain.

"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4)

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Marriage Mechanics

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