From the Case Files of Marriage Mechanics: Never Say "No!"

The cases are real; the people are real; the names and places are fake. My oldest daughter was desperate. 

"Daddy you gotta help Veronique and Evan.  He is filing for divorce on Monday!"

She had told me a few days earlier about her friend who had slept with a coworker and it was tearing her marriage apart after her husband found out. But now, the situation was desparate.  He was filing for divorce in a few days. (My mother was a neglected and spurned wife, I lived with her pain.  It gives me an innate ability to empathize with women).  So, even though I heard about Veronique's transgression, I wanted to help her save her marriage. After contacting her, she said that I could come over that afternoon.  It wasn't a far drive, and when I arrived, they were quiet and sitting apart.  The mood was very somber. After opening with a short prayer, I asked Veronique to tell me what happened from her point of view.  She related that as any couple, they would have their disagreements.   However, with Evan, he would usually pull away emotionally and refuse to have sex.  They were married for two years and after the last argument, they stopped having sex for a month.  That's when she felt a desperate need for both emotional closeness and sexual intercourse.  And, when a male coworker began to offer emotional comfort and support, it wasn't long after that they started a sexual relationship. With tears in her eyes, she repeatedly apologized.  She knew she was wrong but the void of any sex or emotional support challenged her faithfulness. I felt her pain.  Yes, she was wrong...big time!  But, he was wrong too.  In fact, his abuse precipitated the whole dilemma. You see, most people only see sins of commission as being bad.  You know, if you lie, steal, commit adultery, murder etc.  Most, if any, understand that sins of omission like neglect are equally as bad or even worse.  To deny your husband or wife sexual intercourse is abuse.  It's physically frustrating and painful. It's also emotionally and spiritually injurious as a spouse feels rejection and invariably are tempted to find love elsewhere. Evan, was in denial.  He wasn't the fault, and he is not the one that committed adultery.  He was, as most men do..... Struggling with a photo in his mind of a man having sex with his wife. 

This was going to be a hard case to crack! Nonetheless, I was undaunted.  I have seen God do the impossible and I knew I had to rely on him to bring healing and reconciliation.   I began to dig into Evan's past and family tree.  He admitted that his father struggled with the same emotional withdrawal with his mother. 

Now, we were getting someplace.

  It was a family curse.  No doubt, the grandfather was the same way. When I opened his eyes to the family curse (this is real people, but fear not), he seem to become more receptive and sympathetic.  He began to see her pain.  It was the same pain that he saw in his mother's eyes.  It wasn't long after that I was able to get all of us in a group hug and in prayer. 

In the end, their marriage was saved!  And, with weeks of follow-up counseling, their marriage was well on the way to recovery

To God be all the glory, great things he has done!

"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."  (1 Peter 4:8)
"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)

Marriage Mechanics

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