Updated: Aug 21, 2019
ASK MARRIAGE MECHANICS
Dear Marriage Mechanics,
I met my husband at a nightclub several years ago. It was straight out of a romantic book. The music, slow-dancing and romantic atmosphere swept me off my feet.
That was then. My husband is now an alcoholic who can barely keep a job. He has cheated on me several times.
Why didn't I see this coming? And, do you think I should get a divorce and start over?
The world we live in is upside down. Bad is good, good is bad, right is wrong and wrong is right Few people wake up from the dream world. Life is never what you think it is on the surface, and, the reason the Lord told us to trust him with all our hearts and not be leveraged by our natural senses.
It's water under the bridge now, but a nightclub is never the place to meet a future spouse. Spirits of lust, drugs and betrayal hang out and lurk at nightclubs and barrooms greedily looking for ignorant prey. Our false western philosophy of "falling in love" groom us to be fleeced and brutalized by predators. The romance you felt was simply a front.
You see, one of the most profound principles of the marital process is: Don't marry someone because they just make you feel good rather marry someone because they are good. People who drink and use drugs are usually trying to create another reality and numb the pain of old psychological wounds.
That said, although the foundation of this marriage may be compromised, our Lord is merciful and nothing is impossible with him. Divorce is always evil because marriage makes two people one. You can not undo what God has done. However, if a person is violent, dangerous, or irrational, it's a case for separation not divorce.
I suggest that you seek immediate counseling help from an experienced marriage counselor who has experience with drug addiction. Prayer does change things and when God doesn't change our situations, he changes us. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28)
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